Adalie Bates
Aspiring Author
[P:19]
You shouldn't risk it all until you are sure of what you have to lose.
Posts: 119
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Post by Adalie Bates on Oct 22, 2008 22:17:05 GMT -4
Mesmerized by what watches me Mesmerized by their lovely shade Mesmerized by the person who wears them Mesmerized by their emotion buried deep
Mesmerized by the sadness that fills them Mesmerized by the hatred Mesmerized by the feeling that is engulfed in blue Mesmerized by love
Mesmerized by my own love reflected in them Mesmerized by the time slipping away Mesmerized by the way I could stare into them all day Mesmerized by him
Mesmerized by them Mesmerized by their ocean pools Mesmerized by his stare Mesmerized by trying to figure out what he's thinking
Mesmerized by his eyes...
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Post by silverstripe on Oct 23, 2008 12:45:17 GMT -4
Yep, eyes are somethink mystic - mesmerizing and something that can look deep into your heart. Love this one - yust this one doesn't really fit in the rythmn: "Mesmerized by trying to figure out what he's thinking" Maybe this is better: Mesmerized by figuring out what he's thinking .. well actually you'd need one with just 4 syllables after "by" ... thinking .....
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Adalie Bates
Aspiring Author
[P:19]
You shouldn't risk it all until you are sure of what you have to lose.
Posts: 119
|
Post by Adalie Bates on Oct 27, 2008 18:13:08 GMT -4
I'm going to be doing a second version soon because I'm not very happy with this version. I just can't sum up into words the beauty of his eyes, mixed with the peircing blue hatred and love. I can't sum up how frightening it his to have him stare at me and yet how lovely and heart pulsing it really is. I can't sum up how far the extent of my love really reaches. So I will try, try again.
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Post by silverstripe on Nov 7, 2008 15:21:14 GMT -4
Yea - such things are really difficult to do, but if you do it right - it'll be fascinating and captivating - short: great!
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Adalie Bates
Aspiring Author
[P:19]
You shouldn't risk it all until you are sure of what you have to lose.
Posts: 119
|
Post by Adalie Bates on Feb 2, 2010 19:46:58 GMT -4
I wonder if I could still gather up those scattered emotions to rewrite this poem...
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